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The Catch 22 of Helping Others

A good friend, your teenage child, employee or family member have recruited you. They have signed you up for a problem. Over coffee, diner or a glass of wine they discuss a challenge they are having and are having a hard time solving it.


My husband is always out with his friends.

I can't close these leads.

I want my own business so bad but....

I want to loose weight but....

I'm trying so hard and nothing is working.


Have you ever been there?

If so then you know how your advice is received...

"I tried that and it didn't work."

"Oh, you don't understand how hard headed he is, he won't do it."

"Easy for you to say, you already have a business."


There is a reason for this which I will get into in a bit, but first let's lay the foundation.

Thoughts have a momentum. That momentum becomes an emotion. Emotions lead to 'thoughts in kind' which in turn create more and more momentum.


Your friend has created a momentum that states:

"I don't know what to do next."

"I'm scared, worried, upset and tiered."

"I don't think I can solve this."

"If I don't solve this there is going to be a lot of pain, Oh my God how am I going to solve this?!"


Then they call you, and you listen.


You being a caring friend want to help, so you offer solutions. Which as we discovered are not well received. You think it's because they are think headed or maybe even stupid, but perhaps it might be something else.


When someone is facing a scary situation and you give advice... What mental state does the advice come from? Meaning... What are you feeling when you give it?


Maybe you are thinking, "This is my son, I love him and I want to help."

Here is what his subconscious mind hears. "He thinks I need help, he thinks I can't solve this."


Maybe you are thinking, "I hate seeing you in such pain, please just do X it's not that hard."


Here is what her subconscious mind hears, "She thinks this is easy to solve and it's not. Maybe it is easy for her, but I'm not up to her level. Maybe I can't solve this.


I must remind you of the foundation again. Thoughts have a momentum. That momentum becomes an emotion. Emotions lead to 'thoughts in kind' which in turn create more and more momentum.

There are four words that you could say in this situation to help break the momentum and also help them tap into the force that can solve the problem.

I believe in you.


You may need to say it several times. You will definitely need to feel the belief part when you say it. You also may need to leave them alone with it for a period of time so it can soak in.

What's true is that doubt's enemy is faith.


Therefor faith is the cure.


Every time.


Without exception.

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